Before we consider just how to build self esteem let's briefly considercarefully what we mean by self esteem and start to become clear about the difference between self confidence and self confidence.
Self esteem is based on ability. Your self confidence is about your degree of trust, faith and belief in your abilities [your power] and capabilities [your potential].
Self confidence = What you think you can certainly do.
Mastery in self esteem = What you know you can certainly do.
Self confidence is based on value. Thus self confidence equates with self worth and self respect. On your own esteem is grounded in the manner in which you value and respect yourself.
Self esteem = whom you think you are.
Mastery in self esteem = whom you know you are
How Exactly To Build Self Esteem - My Experiences
During my early life and until my early twenties I suffered from a deep inferiority complex and low self esteem.
Forty years later and, said in sincerity along with humility, We have an extremely healthy positive sense of self confidence. In reality until I came to create this article self confidence has not been to my radar for some time. Why? Since it's no problem for me any further.
This is the situation, people who have a healthier, positive sense of self confidence just don't think about it. Conversely, those that do consider it, and also have desire for articles similar to this which seek to address the "Simple tips to build self confidence?" question generally have a lower feeling of self esteem.
"OK well very good for you!" I hear you shout, "... what exactly's the secret - what perhaps you have learned throughout that forty years that produces you now so complacent?"
Firstly, there clearly was no sudden "come to Jesus moment" no damascene transformation like when Joliet in The Blues Brothers saw the light.
It was a gradual process that developed progressively as time passes.
I realised very early on that the bed rock first step toward just how to build self esteem is values based and they certainly were my key themes:
How Exactly To Build Self Confidence [1]
If I do not take care of me then who else will!
I realised that individuals took me within my own self value.
Then when I first found myself in all this, once I was about aged 19 and at college, I realised rapidly that my sense of inferiority and poor self-esteem was reflected returning to me in the manner other folks treated me.
I felt inferior - so people treated me as inferior.
But the moment I made small positive changes to the way I felt about myself I noticed that people responded to me more in a positive way.
How did i really do this? I understand it sounds cliched, but I faked it making it. I undertook a friendly inventory of myself to see what [if anything] people did seem to like about me and respond positively to - and I noticed a few small glimpses of things that I sensed I could build on.
Faking it to make it
I experienced so little confidence or belief in myself that I created a persona, an innovative new identity that I acted out and I also called him Isaac, that has been the nick-name I gave myself.
This appeared to obtain a good response so I made a decision to stand for election to the Students Union as Treasurer and campaigned as Isaac.
This persona Isaac was loud, brash, funny and self confident also it seemed to work because Isaac got himself elected as Treasurer.
It had been fun and interesting to behave out this role, but deep inside I became still desperately insecure and lacking in self worth.
Transformation
Developing this early success I then took responsibility for organising all of the rock concerts in the college as well as for hiring the bands and individuals who ran the bars. This put me in a very prominent role and I also had an amazing time and a fantastic social life.
What a transformation! I had the full time of my life as Isaac. However, inside, the "real me", Stephen, was still with a lack of self confidence but at last i discovered an easy method forward then one to construct upon.
The second challenge was how exactly to drop Isaac as well as for Stephen to be that self confident, socially successful man... but that's beyond the scope of this article and an account for another day.
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If I knew how little other people were thinking about me, I wouldn't give a toss what other individuals were thinking about me!
In accordance with most other people I was previously so anxious about what other folks looked at me.
It came as a fantastic relief once I eventually came to realise the fact nobody spends enough time thinking as to what everyone else is doing. Why? Because we all have been far too busy thinking about ourselves!
That could sound cynical and negative, but actually it's very comforting and incredibly liberating to know this.
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I dropped the comparison game. Behind closed doors everyone carries a dark secret or a deep sadness - everyone suffers... no-one has got the perfect life!
For decades I used to beat myself up by making comparisons along with other individuals who I knew and who appeared to have such a better life than me.
People with bigger houses, more cash, and usually a lot more successful than me. People who lived trouble-free, happy, wonderful lives... unlike me.
Then over time, as I observed how things played out for these people over longer periods of time [maybe over a decade or 20 years], from time to time circumstances changed and allowed me an understanding of these "lucky" people's lives.
What did I find? Broken, unhappy marriages, fractured relationships with children, financial trauma and bankruptcy, alcohol as well as other related problems, despair and silent desperation.
All this well concealed until finally 1 day the masks slipped, the curtains twitched, and I also got that "peep behind the scenes".
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I simply take action! The greater you perform some more you can do.
I've found that life experiences and continuous learning - meeting, working with and socialising with people from a variety of backgrounds [classes, ethnicities and cultures] travelling to and dealing in numerous countries - all those things strengthen my self esteem.
I recall the empowering impact in my business career of realising that despite the fact that I happened to be enclosed by highly intelligent and a lot more technically competent people than me, that I had my very own special gifts for seeing the bigger picture, being able to join up the dots and interpret the vision in such a way that "the troops" could execute it.
Then your discovery that I could "kick ass" and obtain things done that others said could not be performed.
Most of these experiences built and strengthened my self esteem.
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I now accept that it is not absolutely all quite as real because it seems!
During the time everything seems so real, so wonderful, so dramatic, so traumatic, so mundane and all so very real along with its technicolour, roller coaster downs and ups... but, aided by the passing of time, impermanence shows it ugly face while the dawning associated with the realisation that it's not absolutely all quite as real since it seems!
Maybe it's because I am older now, or maybe its the after effects of using the red pill, but there came a point when I realised that just about everything I was thinking was important and that mattered so much for me... ultimately... and with the passage of the time... and with enough internal distance... just fades away... like a dream.
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My values base has changed and start to become more spiritual.
The boundaries between your "outer" world additionally the "inner" world blur and merge.
Self confidence becomes grounded in things beyond the ego, on values based on integrity as well as other personally significant values.
Over the passage of more hours, spiritual values be a little more important - values in line with the spiritual dimension - a feeling of self enhanced by a realisation of my higher self.
My current values, and also the current basis for my self-esteem may be summarised as:
Perform some best by what We have, no matter circumstances...
Focus far from myself and on serving and helping others...
Reside in the present moment...
Pursue a worthy dream.
